The Humorous Joys of Motherhood


Lewis and I went to dinner at Thips tonight – it’s our favorite thai restaurant and a family tradition for us. While we were waiting for our food and chatting, Lewey asked me if he could have an inexpensive device to walk around with on which he could listen to all of his favorite songs. I said,”What about using your iPhone?”

Lewey said, “I don’t want to do that. I want to download a lot of songs and one of them might sperm everything.”

Half gasping, half choking, I replied, “I think you mean it might spam everything.”

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Did the Apple Even Fall?

For those that think Lewey is just like his father, here’s a story that will prove I had something to do with his making:

Lewey, Vida and I stayed at Susan’s house the other night so that I could take her to the airport early AM. After dinner, we settled into dessert and talking and Lewey asked if we were spending the night.

“Of course we are!” I replied. “Vida is here, I packed us a bag and it’s already really late.”

“Awesome! I was hoping we were,” said Lewey.

Susan chimed in,”That’s great but there will be something really sad when you wake up.” I smiled because I knew where she was going with this.

Lewey asked, “What’s that?”

“I won’t be here,” Susan told him.

He looked at her with big eyes, through long eyelashes, and said, “Then I won’t wake up.”

That’s what I call a mac daddy player pimp line. Hellz yeah…








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Lewis and I were driving and he asked me why I no longer bartend. We talked about it and he said:

“I bet you were the greatest bartender. You have the personality for it. You talk to everyone.  But this writing thing. I don’t know. I don’t think you’re gonna be very good at it.”


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The Visitor

Lew, Lewey and I went to a very good friend of mine’s house for a 4th of July BBQ yesterday. They have a pool and Lewey jumped right in, eager to swim. However, he soon got bored and begged us to join him. Lew swam for a little while and then got out of the pool to eat. Lewey began asking me over and over to swim and I finally took him aside and said, “Lewis, I can’t swim right now.”

“Yes you can,” he said. “You are choosing not to swim.”

“That’s not true,” I answered. “Right now is not a good time for me and I need you to stop asking me in front of everyone.”

“Why can’t you swim, then?” he asked.

I was a little uncomfortable but thought the truth would be the best response.

“You know how every month, women go through something and they don’t feel good for awhile? Their stomach hurts, and stuff like that?”

Lewey said, “So you’re on your period?”

I was really surprised that a) he knew that term and b) he just threw it on out there like that, but since I opened the door, I knew I had to walk right through it.

“Yes, Lewis, at this time, I am on my period.”

Lewey looked at me and said: “It seems like you’re on it every day.”

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So Proud

Lew and I took Lewey to Pridefest in St. Louis this past weekend, but apparently we forgot to tell Lewis the festival we were at was actually Pride!  One of the best things about Lewey is that, with all of the diverse people around us, he didn’t question where we were or what we were doing. We were at the park and there was some kind of festival going on around us as far as he was concerned.  That is, until he saw a man in a rainbow bikini.  Then Lewis turned to me and said, “Uncle Denny should be here. This seems like his kinda party!”

Happy Pride, everyone. Our family was proud to be a part of the celebration.

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Crazy Like a Fox

My son and one of his best friends were talking about video games and I heard Lewey say that he couldn’t wait to be a grown up because then he could play video games whenever he wanted. I interuppted and told them that they better not still play video games all the time when they were older because they would have a hard time getting dates. Lewis’ best bud Brayden said:

“We’ll just tell them we don’t play video games and play when they don’t know.”

I told him that sounded like a good idea and then Lewis chimed in.

“We’re only gonna do that if the girls are as hot as Megan Fox.”

I almost choked. I had never heard my son talk about girls before and I had never heard him use the word “hot” to decribe a girl and I had certainly never heard him reference Megan Fox.

“You think Megan Fox is hot?” I asked, weakly.

“Well, she was…until she got old,” he replied.

I almost choked a second time.

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When Michael Jackson passed away, I took it very, very hard.  I’m usually an emotional person, but this time I recognized that heavy feeling in my chest as mourning. It should not have surprised me – I have listened to his music daily since the age of 11. His music made me happy, I loved to watch him dance – he was a part of my life. So I cried and I cried and I couldn’t watch all the impromptu documentaries nor could I watch the funeral.

Three weeks after his death, I was in my car on my way to pick Lewis up from school when a Michael Jackson song came on the radio. I was unable to stop the tears, and then the crying, that followed. I turned the song off and wiped my eyes as best I could when I arrived at my son’s school. Lewis got into the car, took one look at me and said, “Is it Michael again?”

He knows me too well.

On a wonderful note, I recently went to Powell Symphony Hall to hear the SLSO play the music of Michael Jackson with my high school bestie! Amy and I had a GREAT time (there were minimal tears on my part).

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Nerves of Steel

Lewis received one of those metal water bottles from his father and carried it around for a couple days. We stopped at a gas station and he asked if he could have some strawberry milk. One sugarfree Red Bull (for me) and a Nesquik strawberry milk later, and we got back in the car.


“Can I pour my strawberry milk into my stainless steel water bottle?” Lewis asked.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Will it stain it?” he wondered.

I was confused. “Will what stain what?”

“Will the strawberry milk stain my stainless steel water bottle?” Lewis answered.

I replied: “I think you’re not taking into account the definition of one of the words you are using.”

Lewey asked, “Which word?”

“That would be the word ‘stainless’,” I said

My son responded with an impish grin: “Oh!”


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Give Me Strength

My boss asked me about my tattoo and Lewis told her that I had a word in Chinese tattooed on my back.

“Actually Lewey, the word is written in Sanskrit.”

Lewey asked, “What is the word?”

“I chose the word ‘strong’ for my tattoo,” I said.

Lewey replied, “What about ‘loud’?”

This is why I picked  “strength” – to remind me to ask for it daily.

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Lefties Vs Right

Lewey and I were talking about the differences between right handed people and left handed people. I told him that typically lefties were considered more creative than righties and he didn’t like that at all.

“I’m not saying there aren’t extremely creative right handed people,” I said. “It’s just that there are a large percentage of left handed people that are very creative because we use both sides of our brains more.” He still didn’t like this and started telling me all the wonderful things that right handed people do.

“Well, there is one benefit to being right-handed,” I conceded. “Right handed people live about 9 years longer then lefties on average.”

“So I’m gonna live longer than you?” he asked.

“Well you were going to anyway,” I told him.

“But you are supposed to live less because you are left handed?”

“Now don’t go worrying about all that,” I said. “You can’t worry about things like that, you just gotta live. People can worry about that all day long and then get hit by a bus and they wasted their time. It doesn’t matter if you’re right-handed or left, you just have to enjoy yourself. I was just telling you that left handed people, only on average, can pass away sooner than right handed people.”

Lewey replied: “Maybe they pass away sooner because they keep getting hit by busses.”

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